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Learning how to be more assertive can help you to overcome problems of
low self-esteem and shyness and help you overcome problems due to anxiety,
being more assertive and confident is a big step forward to dealing more
easily with others.
What are the common traits of the unassertive person?
People who are unassertive usually suffer from an excess of empathy, they
take account too much of the other persons feelings and thoughts and feel
guilty when they give preference to their own.
While a certain amount of empathy is a good quality having too much of
it causes problems, one of the main problems it causes is that the person
suffering from it can be and usually is taken advantage of.
Another problem that can occur through lack of assertiveness is the inability
to make requests of others, with some people struggling to ask even the
smallest of things from others.
While there is nothing wrong with helping others and being, kind to them
by doing favours. Problems can arise if you are doing things for people
just because you cannot say no, this can lead to problems with anxiety,
depression, anger and frustration on your part.
Dealing with group conversations
Dealing with group conversations can be particularly hard if you have
a tendency towards shyness, everyone will be fighting to be heard and
quite often the shy person gets left out or when they have summoned up
the courage to finally speak, the topic of conversation has moved onto
something else. If you are shy and find it hard to think of things to
say quickly then you should first work at picking up your speed of thinking.
Another big problem is finding an opening in a fast-paced conversation
if you suffer from problems with assertiveness, while others just seem
to break into the conversation you are left standing there.
Important points to remember are that if you asked to join in the group
then your opinion matters as much as the next person's. The group probably
isn't pushing you out intentionally and you must learn to assert yourself
and join in, don't think your opinions don't count or just because others
are in putting you don't need to.
Getting over the "outsider" feeling
If you are new to a group then you might get the "outsider" feeling, this
usually happens when you bring up subjects that the group doesn't seem
interested in, which makes you feel worse once you plucked up courage
to join in a conversation.
This usually happens when you join a new group or people that you aren't
familiar with, once you have been with them for a while on different occasions
they will get used to you and you them and the feeling should subside.
Once again, the only way to go is by asserting yourself and not shrinking
from the group.
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