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Most of us at some time in our lives go through stages of being unsure
about our future, doubting ourselves, whether or not we are making the
right decision. While there is nothing wrong with the odd doubt or worry,
sometimes people can get too carried away with self-doubting and this
can begin to affect our lives in a negative way.
One of the main problems with self-doubting all the time is that is undermines
the self-confidence, when this happens there will be more negative thoughts
and feelings to follow.
If you are continually putting yourself down at every opportunity then
not only will you further damage what little confidence you have left
in yourself but it will also begin having a negative effect in those around
you and your performance. Becoming more "thought aware" is a technique
which is easy to master and helps you to think more positively and rationally
about situations.
Become more aware of your thoughts
The majority of people who self-doubt will have hundreds of thoughts throughout
the day flit into their mind, work the magic of installing doubt and uncertainty
and drift back out.
Since we don't normally pay much attention to these thoughts other than
to start doubting we don't really see these thoughts for what they are,
if we don't pay attention to them, then how do we know what's right or
wrong, why do we automatically begin to self doubt?, what's to say these
thoughts aren't wrong and you're right?
The technique of being "thought aware" is simple; let any thoughts come
to you and if they're negative ones jot them down and let them go and
stick with the decision you made. Examples of negative thoughts which
may commonly be cause for concern for the person are:
* Fear about the outcome of your performance
* Worry about how others will see you as a result of your reactions
* Worry about how you appear to people
* Continually dwelling on the outcome
* Being self critical over anything which you see as less than perfect
* Continually striving towards perfection while never being satisfied
* Feelings of inadequacy
* Feelings of uncertainty
Being aware of thoughts such as these and the damage they can do if left
unchecked is the first step towards attaining rational thinking and instilling
a pattern of positive thought in yourself to replace the old negative
pattern. The negative thoughts listed above could be challenged with more
positive thinking, for example:
* Fear about the outcome - have you to the best of your knowledge gained
all the information relating to the particular problem in question? Did
you do all that was physically and mentally possible to be prepared before
making the decision?
* Worry about how others will see you - if you gave it your best shot
and did everything you could possibly have done to prepare yourself for
the task at hand then others will appreciate that fact, whether you were
right or wrong. Every one of us will at some time make a bad judgement
call, we have to accept it and move on. Remember no one is perfect.
* If you appear confident and in control then others will see you this
way, if you dither and are indecisive then they will see you, as this
way too, the trick is to make people think you are in control and appear
assertive.
* Once you have made a decision leave it at that, you cant change the
outcome so don't continually ponder on it, let it go.
* If after the fact you realise you could have done a little better then
don't beat yourself up about it, you cannot change what happened, we all
make mistakes but the important thing is that we learn by them for future
situations.
* What is perfection?, we all have differing options about perfection,
what might seem perfect to one person if far from ideal to another. Do
the task as well as you possibly can and leave it at that.
* Most people except the very egotistical will have feelings of inadequacy,
as long as you perform to the best of your ability that's all anyone can
reasonably ask of you.
* There will always be doubts, doubts of whether you could have done better,
or if you did the right thing. Recognise these and just let them go its
too late to change anything and what's to say a change would have made
any difference anyway.
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